I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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