I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize