He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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