I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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