What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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