sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
