Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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