Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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