I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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