Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
