oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
