so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
