I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
