Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize