So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
