And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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