hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
