I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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