you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
