You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
