What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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