Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
