Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
