Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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