My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
