Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
