Already got asked if we're dating
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
