After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
