if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
