you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
