I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
