True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
