if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
