When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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