Barsexuality is the new black.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
