I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
