Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
