dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Holy sore nipples Batman
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
