and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
