If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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