I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
