just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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