So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
