After last night, I could never be a politician.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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