I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
