Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
