um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
