so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
