How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
