i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
