did you get engaged???
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
