I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
