with your own penis?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
