just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
