My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Randomize