Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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