today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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