i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
