i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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