Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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