Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
