Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
