dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
