It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
