Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
