Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I need a burrito and a hug.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
