What did we do last night that was yellow?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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