dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
