hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
