I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize