dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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