I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
