Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
