Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
