I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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